The Big Kid Bed

Parents often try to keep the crib as long as possible to avoid the problem of their toddler/preschooler leaving the bed again and again at bedtime, but eventually they all need to take the plunge and get a big kid bed.

It always blows me away that daycares get 1 year olds to sleep on cots. They stay there... how???  I suspect they are following what the older kids in the class are doing and they are never left alone. That makes it easier on many levels.  Parents don't have that luxury at home when transitioning to the big kid bed.

Parents can get the child excited about leaving the security of the crib by talking about the bed before it is used.  Have kids help pick out sheets or a pillow for the bed.  Remind them during the day how big they are when they ___ (fill in the blank with "use a spoon," "pick up a toy," etc). Warning:  This can backfire if they really are afraid of the bed and they do want to not be big, so they stop all the "big kid" behaviors.

If kids are afraid of their new bed, lay together to read books at nap and bed time.  If you still have the crib available, ask if they want to sleep in the bed or the crib. Simply having the choice might empower them to want to stay in the bed.  Feel free to leave a light or night light on in the hall (or even in the room if they prefer).  Eventually they won't need it, but it can really help if they want it!  Go through a routine of checking the closet (then closing the closet door), checking under the bed, and picking a favorite toy to be there while your child sleeps. It is amazing how much the power of suggestion that a stuffed toy will stay with them works!  Let them know you will check on them soon... and do, but wait a little longer each night until they are asleep when you check.

For kids who are prone to falling out of bed, decide what works best for that child.  Some parents put the mattress on the floor, so if they roll off it is no big deal.  Many parents use bed rails that keep kids in the bed.  Unfortunately if they roll hard enough, they can get trapped between the mattress and bed rail.  I know this from experience! My son would do that and it would FREAK him out. He usually went to sleep without much fuss, but after he would get stuck in the rails he was too scared to sleep. We finally just put the bed against one wall and moved everything away from the other side of the bed except a nice layer of pillows and blankets.  When he fell out of bed (yes, most nights...) he landed on the pillow pile and kept sleeping.  Problem solved!

Pick a reasonable bed time.  Account for all the time it will take to do all the stall tactics when picking the bedtime.  If sleep time needs to be by 7:30, and you know they will resist brushing teeth, need to potty a 2nd time, get a drink, check the closet and under the bed, and read 3 books... get started in plenty of time to do all of that and still have them tucked in for the last time before 7:30.  Ironically as kids get more tired, they get more wired, so DO NOT allow this process to run too late! They will hit a 2nd wind and be up far too long.  We all know what kind of day tomorrow will be if they are up too late tonight... and it isn't pretty!  Then they are over tired for the routine the next night, which can lead to an earlier 2nd wind and more troubles!

One trick I've learned that works well for older toddlers and preschoolers is the card trick. They start each night with 3 cards. Every time they leave their bed for another hug, a drink, to potty, etc, they surrender a card to you. Once all 3 cards are gone, they can't leave the bed any more.   If they have cards left over in the morning, they get a sticker for each card.  They can earn up to 3 stickers (or make it special to get an extra sticker if they have all 3 cards!)  When they reach a set number of stickers they earn a prize.  Go over the rules of the cards and stickers during the day several times so they know the rules before you start the system.  At bedtime minimize the talking and just let them figure it out when you ask for cards or refuse to let them have a 4th resistance tactic.  You can use cards from a regular deck, or you can make it even more fun by having your child make his own cards.  I also suggest making a simple sticker reward chart, keeping in mind how difficult you think it will be to earn stickers and set a realistic goal for all the needed stickers to be earned within a week. If they don't earn the prize fast enough at the beginning they might lose interest (but it needs to be enough time that they earn it). You can make it more difficult over time, as their bedtime routine gets better.  Remember that each day is new, so they start with 3 cards and you can talk up how much you know they can keep them all!  Praise all the good choices, and if they struggle with it try to find positives to praise... "You kept your cards a little longer last night. I can tell you're working on keeping them all night!" For ideas of reward charts and cards, check out this fantastic free site!

If kids end up in your bed in the middle of the night and you don't want them there, you must firmly but without much discussion bring them back to their room. Too much snuggling, talking, or other interactions will only reinforce them coming to you again.  And again.  Night after night they get to spend more time with you-- that's what they see every time you give them attention when you need to limit the interaction.  Attempt to get them to walk themselves, but if they refuse, carry them with outstretched arms facing away from you to decrease body contact.

If you don't mind them in your bed, be sure you are ready for a long term commitment to a family bed because once the habit's started it will be harder to break until the child wants to sleep independently.  I learned this the hard way.  Sleep deprivation makes parents do things they never thought they would... in the beginning you just want to get sleep. After awhile I realized I was kicked and punched often throughout the night by my lovely little angel who was not a great bedfellow.  She affected my quality of sleep for quite awhile. I still love her greatly...

If all else fails, talk to your child's doctor about sleep problems. Some sleep problems are due to real medical conditions and these should be evaluated.  If sleep problems continue, loss of sleep can affect growth, learning, behavior, and more... don't let it get to that point!

Why Screen Free?

Every April and September there is a nationwide Screen-free Week to unplug from the screens and plug back in to our families.  Why do I support this wholeheartedly? Because I see the benefit from getting away from it all every once in awhile.  We live in a media-rich society, so I know that it is impossible to completely turn everything off... most of us couldn't do our jobs without a computer.  But I challenge you to substitute recreational screen time with other activites for just one week and see what happens. 

Some facts and statistics:

• Screen Time = television, video games, computer time, handheld games, social media, movies -- anything with a screen.
• The typical school aged child has 7.5 hours of screen time daily. That's more time than ANY other activity except sleep!
• The typical preschool child watches over 4.5 hours of screen time daily.
• Screen time is linked to aggression, ADHD, and obesity among other things.
• The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends NO screen time under 2 years of age and no more than 10 hours per week for older children.
• The AAP recommends no televisions, computers, or other electronic media in children's bedrooms.
• An average preschool child sees nearly 25,000 commercials.
• Screen time inhibits sleep.   
• More from the links below!

Since my family has been doing this I find an interesting pattern: 

• my kids initially grumble (ok, it is a stronger disagreement, but...) 
• they quickly find other things to keep busy
• they play better together with less fighting
• they argue less with me when asked to do something
• we overall enjoy one another more
• at the end of the week they choose to do things without the tv or computers
• they slowly start to watch / do more on the screens
• they are once again addicted to the screen and I have to pull them away.

What can you do besides watch tv or play on the computer or game system?

• Go for a walk.
• Ride a bike.
• Play ball.
• Have a picnic.
• Play a board game.
• Read a book.
• Make up a play.  Be creative!
• Dance.
• Cook dinner together as a family.
• Talk to a friend or family member. Talk, not text!
• Go to the park or zoo.
• Check out the new aquarium.

It is an overall good experience. Read my post-Screen-Free Week Reflections from the last screen-free week here.

I will try not to be on line during the Screen Free Week, April 30-May 6th. (Hard work, I know... scanning the internet is my biggest pastime/hobby ~ AKA timewaster.)  

Join me off line and plug in to your families!  Have a fun week and I'll see you back on Facebook and Twitter May 7th!  

For more information:

Fact Sheets from Commercial Free Childhood

Common Sense Media 

Dr. Christakis on Media and Children

Car Seat Confusion and Booster Boo Boos

Happy in her rear-facing seat!

Many parents are confused by car seat rules, regulations, and recommendations.  For many it is a rite of passage with the first birthday to turn kids around forward facing.  Then they move to a booster before kindergarten and they lose the booster on their 8th birthday.

What is magic about any age that allows a child to sit in the next level of seating?  Kids vary greatly in their size at these ages, yet age seems to determine seating for many kids.  We don't pick clothing based on age. Shoes are not worn based on age. Why don't we fit kids into cars as carefully as we fit them into clothing?

There is so much misinformation out there, it's no wonder people are confused!  And it's not only confusion, but parents make choices based on so many other factors.  For some it is convenience for themselves ~ it's easier to let a child self buckle in a booster.  Sometimes the numbers of kids combined with the size of the car simply don't allow rear facing for the tots.  Many parents simply want to give up the fight with kids as they fight to grow up into the next step.  So many temptations for parents to move onto the next level before kids are ready.  I understand, really! It was a fight to get my kids into car seats (forward and backwards) as infants and toddlers.  They would arch their back and I felt like I would break them as I pushed on their middle to force them back while I pulled on arms and buckles to force them in.  I can't tell you how many times my daughter at 10 years/5th grade complained that she was "the only one still in a booster!"  She just recently (finally) can fit into some seats without a booster, but the seat needs to be narrow.  Thank you, growth spurt!

Because there is often mention in the car seat instruction manual that kids can turn around at 1 year and 20 pounds, many parents think kids must turn around at that age/size. This is not true per car seat safety testing (unless the seat is older and has lower size restrictions- and then it should be replaced).  It is not required by law in any state or safe by safety standards to turn around at this age/size.  The head size of toddlers is still very large compared to their body. The force on the spinal cord is much greater for a toddler in a forward facing crash due to the larger head and lower muscle strength compared to older children and adults.

The two biggest concerns I hear from parents about rear facing seats:

1. The kids hate being rear facing.
2. The legs are too long.

I find that many kids are perfectly happy rear facing. Others are not happy being strapped in period.  Either way, sometimes what kids like isn't what's best for them. I just want kids to be the safest they can be!

Parents worry that once the legs can reach past the seat that rear facing is not safe.  That sounds reasonable: the long legs would be squished or uncomfortable for kids.  While it is true that most kids will outgrow the rear-facing seat due to height before weight, it is okay to remain rear facing as long as  they fit the limits posted on the side of the car seat.  Read your manual.  If you can't find it, look online.  Studies have shown that kids are 5 times safer rear facing! Even if they kick the back of the seat.  In Sweden they keep kids rear facing until 4 years of age!

There are many sources of confusion with car seats and boosters.  The law does not equal the recommendations by safety experts and it differs from state to state.  The law is the minimum requirement for buckling kids in car seats. The law does not necessarily mean the safest way to buckle the kids up.  Car seats and boosters vary by age and size limitations, there is no standard.  Cars vary in the size and angles of their seats, making the car seat or booster fit differently in every model of car.

The law often does not support the best safety standards:

• Most states (29) do not require kids to wear helmets on bicycles, yet we know that they save lives. 
• Only 20 states require all motorcyclists to wear helmets.
• Only two states prohibit children under 1 year from riding on a bicycle/carrier.
• Three states have no booster seat laws.
• Only 5 states have seat belt requirements in school buses.
• Kansas law allows tots to turn forward facing at 1 year and 20 pounds and allows kids over 4 years to ride in booster seats.

My recommendations:

• Keep kids rear facing until they are at the maximum height and weight of their rear-facing car seat. If the car seat does not allow rear facing until at least 2 years and 30 pounds, buy another seat.  
• Kids can be forward facing in a 5 point harness from 2 years/30 pounds (or bigger if your seat allows rear facing longer) until they are at least 40 pounds and 4 years of age (many seats will harness larger children).  The harness is always safer, but when a child can sit still, not unbuckle self inappropriately, sit without leaning forward/to the side, and the shoulder and lap belts fit them appropriately, then they can sit in a booster with the seat belt.
• Kids can sit without a booster when they can pass the 5 Step Test.  For more on why they shouldn't graduate out of a booster too soon, check out this great page on The Car Seat Lady.
• Kids should never sit in the front seat until they are teenagers (or the size of a teen).  
• Never turn off the air bag to allow kids to sit up front. Think for a minute: why are airbags there in the first place? To save lives! People in the front seat are MUCH more likely to be injured/killed in a crash. If the child is too short and the airbag will hit them in the face instead of the chest, they need to be in back!  
• Never buy a used car seat or booster seat from someone you don't know well. You cannot guarantee it has not been in an accident and you should not use a seat after an accident.
• Do not use expired car seats.  They expire in 5-8 years due to breakdown of the materials of the seat, older technology, and unavailability of replacement parts. Check the labels on the seat for expiration date or use 6 years from date of manufacture.
• NEW addition based on a reader's Facebook comment: Do not use bulky clothing or padding under the seatbelt. Kids are much safer if they are buckled in snugly, then a blanket or cover can be placed over the belt if needed for warmth. Don't believe me? Buckle your child in with the coat and/or sweaters on, then take them out without changing the seatbelt tightness. Put them back in and buckle, again without changing the belt tightness. See how much extra belt there is? With the force of an accident they can move too much!

I wonder how long it will be before the safety recommendations are even stricter:  rear facing until 4 years like Sweden?

I always joke that the babies born today will drive backwards by joystick by the time they can drive!

Don't let your kids take the lead with decisions. Don't do what the neighbors do. Do what you know is safest for your children.  Their lives may depend on it!

For more information and state specific laws:

Helmet Use Laws

Child Passenger Safety Laws

How Boosters Work

The Importance of Rear-Facing video with crash test views forward vs backward

Traffic Woes

6:15 am: things look great!

Last week I started to see a trend toward both early and late arrivals.  Because appointments are scheduled on average every 15 minutes, showing up even 10 minutes early or late can cause significant backlogs in our flow (some were over 25 min late... and not people who are usually late -- we track those).  We need to see all patients who come to the office, and will work them in the best we can, but unfortunately when people arrive at times other than their scheduled appointments, there is no way to see everyone in a timely manner.

I apologize to all of my patient families who waited and will wait. Believe me, I HATE to run late. Rest assured that when it is your turn, I will spend the time needed with your family.  

While we moved south of the major construction, Highway 69 is still used by many to get to us and is experiencing significant delays at various times of the day. Side streets are having more traffic because people are avoiding the highways.  I appreciate everyone's help and patience during this construction time.

• Please check KDOT or Scout if you will be traveling on any of the area highways to approximate your travel time and adjust accordingly. 
• If you will be late, please call ahead. This allows us to rearrange the flow, such as by working in early arrivals (we usually have them wait in the waiting room so that we can see on time people first).
• If you are early (some are planning on more travel time than needed!) please let the receptionist know.  If the provider you are scheduled to see has an earlier time available, you can be worked in early. If another provider has a no show or late arrival and you are willing to see them, please let the receptionist know you are flexible.
• If you are late, you might be asked to wait until your provider has another opening or you might be asked to see another provider. Please let the receptionist and nurse know your preference.  I appreciate your flexibility.
• PLEASE: if you are coming between 8 and 8:30 (very busy traffic time) and 1:30 and 2... try especially hard to be on time! Those are the first appointments of the morning and afternoon. If we get started late, it is especially difficult to get back on track!
• Please let the nurse know if you need to leave soon.  She will try to estimate how long it will be for your scheduled provider and see if there is someone else who can see your child if needed. 
• Bring any forms you might need already completed. If it takes 10 minutes to fill out the forms in the waiting room, you will save 10 minutes!

Pre-participation Sports Exam

We are nearing the time of year we have kids lining up to do sports physicals.  When asked why they are in the office, many simply say: "to get the form signed".  I suspect they do not realize the importance of WHY the form must be signed.  I view the physical as a time to reinforce good habits: eating well, sleeping adequately, exercising, and making overall good choices.  


We review risks that might cause health problems with a sport, such as family history of heart problems or sudden death, as well as a personal history of passing out, chest pain, or concussions.


I have had a handful of patients that knowingly or unknowingly leave out pertinent information on these forms.  My two biggest areas of concern are sudden cardiac death and concussion. With both of these the exam might be normal, but the kids are not safe to play and can be cleared for play medically without the examiner knowing a complete history.


If you do not know a family history, as in the case of adoption, please write that on the form.


Please do not omit a previous concussion or injury.  


Please do not "forget" that you get dizzy with exercise. 


These are important! These questions are often the only clue that there might be a problem, since the physical exam is often NORMAL even with life-threatening conditions.  


My son plays hockey. There has been a great awareness in the hockey community about concussions. His club covered the cost of ImPACT testing for all players before the season started. This involves baseline testing to see what each player can do before a head injury to have a comparison. There is high hopes of this testing allowing better return to play guidelines, but its reliability has been questioned by some experts. 

Did I take my son for testing? You bet!  

Sudden Cardiac Death & Concussion Comments

• Sudden cardiac death is caused by over 20 different problems but remains overall rare, between 10-25 cases per year of athletes under 30 years old. Another way to look at it:  6-15 SCD per 1,000,000 athletes per year.  If you have a family history of SCD or a sudden death from heart disease under age 50, or if you have ever passed out/blacked out during exercise or get chest pain with activity, you might be at increased risk and a further evaluation should be done. Bring these up at your exam!
• 90% of SCD occurs during or shortly after exertion or exercise. 
• Risk of SCD increases around 17-23 years of age, and college athletes have about twice the risk as high school athletes. 
• Cardiomyopathies (damaged heart muscle), anatomic abnormalities, myocarditis (infection of the heart muscle), and arrhythmias (rhythm changes) can all cause SCD in young athletes. Often the exam is normal and the only clue to a problem is the family history or the personal history of pain or dizziness/passing out with exercise. Talk about these at your exam!

• Concussions can happen from bumps, falls, or sudden movements of the head. Even mild concussions need to heal completely before resuming any at - risk activity.  Recognizing the risk and stopping play are important. Symptoms of concussion can be found here. Do not return to play if you suspect you have a concussion! It can be fatal or lead to permanent brain injury!
• Both Kansas and Missouri have relatively new concussion rules. This is important because it involves education of the athletes and their families. We are seeing an increased number of kids with concussions due to the increased awareness. Next step: better prevention and treatment...

• Kansas has a required form to be completed before sports at the high school level here.  By Kansas law, the physical must be done AFTER May 1st, but BEFORE the season starts, so please plan accordingly.

• Missouri's form is here. 

Some quick well visit tips:

• Yearly well visits are recommended for all children over 3 years of age to review growth, development, safety, nutrition, and more. (They are recommended more frequently prior to that!)
• Most insurance companies only cover ONE well visit per year after 3 years of age. Sports physicals are not considered separately, so if you need the form signed for your high school athlete, plan ahead.
• Well visits are a time to catch up on vaccines... please don't tell your child "no shots" will be done. The vaccine schedule changes yearly, and we might need to give vaccines!
• Visit our website ahead of time to consider questions that should be answered and topics that will be covered.
• To streamline the visit, bring all forms needed to your appointment pre-filled out.  This really helps, trust me!
• Register each of your children on our website to get updates and announcements as well as an email reminder before your visit.

Please request an appointment on line or call (913-888-4567- leave a message on line 1 if after hours) to schedule your child's annual check up for the summer. Spots fill quickly!

Toddler Talk

Any parent knows that raising toddlers takes a special kind of patience and can lead to parental exhaustion. There are challenges to all ages, but toddler moments tend to be memorable!  Tantrums can explode and totally change the look of your little angel.


Some kids are mild mannered and people pleasers by nature and are relatively easy to discipline.  Strong willed kids can be among the most challenging, but with proper guidance can grow up to be great leaders.  So how do you guide them?


The basics of discipline are similar regardless of a child's age or temperament.  Consistency among all caregivers is important. Consistency with routines, especially meal times and sleeping, is also very important.  Never underestimate how much damage being tired, sick, or hungry can do to any person's behavior~ especially toddlers!


Praising the positive is a great way to improve the odds that they will want to get that positive attention again.  Catch kids being good.  As they grow and mature, make the stakes higher, but early on praise every small good deed.  

Remember when your rambunctious toddler was a newborn and you were so proud when he simply peed or pooped? Slept 3 hours straight? Very little expectations from a newborn.  As they grow you expect more, but don't expect a toddler to sit still for an hour like you would a school aged child.  Set age appropriate goals and work on a few new behaviors at a time.  Praise when they do a good job with patience or make a good choice to use a quiet voice.  Find the good in things they do throughout the day.  Sometimes it's hard, but you have to find good things to praise!  This does not mean that all is rosy. You must still be firm when they are not being good. Let them know what they did wrong with a short phrase. Set a consequence as appropriate. 

Many parents worry that their child is out of control.  I disagree.  Kids always want control.  Parents simply (ha ha) have to remain in control of the important things and give kids the control they can own.  This enables the parent to be in charge of the important things but allows the child to make decisions about things that won't affect his health or safety, which helps him develop a sense of well being, confidence and decision making capabilities.  


When a parent wants to change a behavior of a child, do NOT show anger.  Raising your voice shows the child that you are losing control and a child feeds on that to elevate the situation to a battle. 

Try to repeat the SAME short phrase of what you want the child to do.  It is very important that you don't say what you DON'T want...give the child clear directions of what you DO want.  If the child argues or ignores, simply repeat the SAME instructions of what you want them to do.  

An example of a clear statement of what you want: 

• I want you to pick up the bear and put him in the toy box.  

Examples of unclear statements or negative statements include:

• You made such a mess! Can't this place ever be clean?

•  Don't leave a mess on the floor.

If your instructions aren't followed the child will get a consequence.  Consequences depend on age.  Toddlers may have to sit on a step, towel or special chair for time out.  Sometimes putting the toys in time out helps... simply put them away for a time if the toy is causing problems, such as kids fighting over it or if it is not put away.


When choosing consequences remember not to take away things that in general HELP behavior (such as outdoor play, which overall releases energy so the child will act better indoors).  The consequences have to mean something to the child or else he won't care if they are taken away. (I've never heard a parent say, "No broccoli for dinner if you don't clean your room!")


The way we tend to phrase consequences is just like that unfortunately:

 no *special treat* if you don't *do desired behavior*

This sounds like a threat and many children (and adults) take it as such.  Rephrasing the sentence to a more positive expression usually gets better results:

you can have *special treat* if you *do desired behavior*

The intention is the same, but the feel of the sentence is much more positive, and people tend to react better to positive statements.

This would sound like, "We will go to the park if you clean your room," instead of "we won't go to the park unless you clean your room."  

The second sentence sounds like a challenge to the child.  Hmmm... how can I get to the park without cleaning my room?  Throw a fit?  Run out the door?  Throw around all my toys?



What if you lose your temper and you see the situation is elevating?  You are yelling, the child is screaming, nothing good is coming from the situation.  How do you get back in control?

Time outs work well.  It gives the toddler a consequence.  The most important part of time out in this situation is not being a consequence, it is the calming effect of time.  

Parents may need the time out as much as the child.  This gives you a chance to collect your thoughts and come up with a game plan of what to say and do.  For more on Time Out, click here.

Another way to turn this out of control situation around is humor.  Many parents think that when a child is in trouble, you shouldn't be "fun", but it can really help.

One night my daughter was throwing a fit about getting dressed.  I started yelling (yes, I'm human and make mistakes too!) but then realized it was (of course) feeding her anger.  She was unable to tell me what was wrong, she was so upset.  I picked up one of her dolls, made the doll "cry", and started talking to the doll to try to see what was wrong.  I said my thoughts out loud..."baby is too little to use words, maybe she is hurt"...moved all the arms and legs...now I had my daughter's attention..."no, no hurt spots"...."maybe she has a dirty diaper"... smelled the bottom..."pee yew, dirty diaper"... By now my daughter was laughing instead of crying. ..."I guess babies are too little to use words, that's why she had to cry, I'm so glad you're a big girl and can tell me what's wrong."  Once she was calmed down, things got much easier.  

The trick is thinking of something that helps the situation when you are frustrated.  The best plan is coming up with ideas for your most common arguments before the next argument starts.

  The arguments tend to be the same every day, whether it is brushing teeth, getting into the car seat, putting on sunscreen... whatever it is, you usually have an idea of what it will be.  Think of things ahead of time that you can use to help situations.

Always lead by example.  Children learn what they see, not what they are told.  If you say, "eat your veggies," but never eat your own, they won't like their veggies.  If you make them buckle up, but don't wear your seat belt, they will argue about wearing theirs.

Corporal punishment is not beneficial.  Studies show that kids who are spanked become more aggressive.  If a child bites, don't bite back.  If a child hits, don't hit back.  If you hit as a form of punishment, your child will learn to hit to get her way.



Keeping a routine helps children know what to expect next.  Be sure enough sleep is available because tired children (and adults) are testy.  Same with hungry and sick children.  If you think that a child's bad behavior stems from being tired or hungry, offer a nap or food.



If your child has major behavior problems, choose the few behaviors that bother you most and work on those.  You cannot expect a child to suddenly be perfect.  Reward the small steps toward good behavior.  When a child sees you noticing the good behavior, they often want to please more and give more good behaviors.



Children also like to be in control, so if you offer them choices (with either choice something that is ok with you), they feel in control and are more likely to do what you want.

A choice may be "do you want to get dressed or brush teeth first?"  The child then chooses one of the choices, so she is happy that she chose to brush teeth.  She doesn't realize that you have manipulated her.  If she says "watch TV", you say, "that wasn't a choice, the choices were getting dressed or brushing teeth first."  Give about 10 seconds for her to make a choice.  If she doesn't decide, then you decide for her.  

Kids will be upset if they don't get their un-offered choice, but try to limit discussion and let her think about it.  Most children are smart enough to figure out what to do.  They can learn from it.  If you try to rescue them by letting them chose their own option, they don't learn.  If you try to make sure they know what they did wrong and what they should have done, they get angry and don't learn.  Let them do the learning.  Don't keep harping on them... it will just make them angry and resentful!

Behavior is a challenge to most parents, but with love and guidance, consistency, and proper sleep and nutrition, you can improve the odds that kids will behave.

Spring Forward... Lose sleep...

As we move our clocks forward to increase the number of daylight hours, we all lose one hour of sleep.  In the whole scheme of things, this isn't much. Most people (kids and adults) lose needed sleep every night.  Only 8% of teens get the recommended amount of sleep.  Eight percent!  No wonder they have increasing rates of so many problems.

Last night I watched "Race to Nowhere" a documentary of the pressures placed on our kids today.  Kids feel pressure to do well in school (many while taking an overload of AP classes), leading to many hours of homework each night.  They participate in sports, which takes up valuable time after school away from homework, but does help them exercise and do something they enjoy (until they burn out and don't like it anymore). They feel the need to do community service and join clubs to build their portfolio to get into a great college.

While I think the film was developed with an agenda and not every kid is suffering from overload, I certainly see enough teens (and preteens) who seem to suffer from sleep deprivation, depression, anxiety, stress, and more.  Are these kids simply not using time efficiently?  Even the documentary showed one of the troubled teens doing homework with her cell phone right there and texting interrupting her thought.

Maybe a quick break after school to play outside for 30 minutes will help release energy and allow the brain focus to study.  Then turn off the tv and put the phone in another room and get to work.  My question: Are these kids spending 6 hours doing 1 hour worth of work?  

Interesting point made in the film though: Studies show that as the amount of homework assigned decreases, test scores increase.

Are we setting our kids up for failure from the beginning? Research shows that kids under 3 years who watch tv have higher incidences of ADHD and aggression along with lower cognitive development.  Kids with ADHD take longer to do tasks because they do not focus and concentrate until the task is complete.  They often need to re-read or re-do work because they miss concepts.  They can suffer from poor self esteem and increased rates of depression because they feel like failures.  In the short video below Dr. Dimitri Christakis explains how researchers are learning about the influences of stimulations (too little and too much) on learning and development.  Take 16 minutes to watch it!

Past growth and development cannot be changed, but we can improve current growth and development.  Maximizing nutrition, healthy exercise, and sleep can help the body and brain be its best.

Kids and teens are staying up too late (sometimes all night) to finish homework.  They are tired during class so take caffeine or other stimulants (such as those used to treat ADHD without a prescription) to stay awake.  They are too tired to focus in class, so they perform below their knowledge on tests.  Between 7-12 years old, kids need 10-11 hours of sleep every night.  Teens need 8-9 hours, sometimes more during rapid growth spurts.

Kids who once enjoyed a favorite sport feel the pressure from coach to train more, but the demands of school put the kids in a quandry: they need to make grades to play, but they don't have time after practice to do the homework.  Often practice and game times are late in the evening, making it hard for kids to fall to sleep at a normal bedtime, since the body needs about 2 hours after exercise to fall to sleep.  I have blogged on this before here.

I see many kids and teens who have chronic headaches or other symptoms that are likely due to sleep deprivation, but they insist it is something else and they want the million dollar workup to find a cause and expensive medications to treat the symptoms.  Once symptoms have started, they might need more treatments, but beginning with healthy nutrition, exercise, and sleep might prevent many of these problems!

The fear of failure and pressure to succeed is leading to kids trying anything to succeed, not just staying up late and drinking too much caffeine.  Cheating in schools, such as copying homework, plagiarizing, or cheating on a test is becoming commonplace. The large majority of high school students admit to cheating.  What does this mean for our future society if kids learn to cheat the system to succeed?

Kids who are chronically sleep deprived are at risk of physically hurting themselves due to slowed reaction times, concentration and focus failures, and difficulty processing information (much like being under the influence of drugs or alcohol).  They are more likely to be injured while playing their sport. Drivers are more likely to be in a car accident.  Drivers 16-24 years of age are the most likely to report falling to sleep at the wheel in the past year according to a study by the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety.  Also in this study, people who sleep 6-7 hours a night are twice as likely to be in an accident as those sleeping 8 hours or more.  People sleeping less than 5 hours increase their risk 4-5 times!

How can we all wake up rested and still get everything done each day?  What can we cut back on with our families?  There are initiatives to get schools to enforce less homework and to start later, but until then, what can YOU do to help your kids get the sleep they need?